Tight Ends

For the sake of time, these write ups will be short.

Draft tip: Unless you get Gronk late in the 2nd, wait on TE. It’s not worth it.

  1. Rob Gronkowski, NE – This man child somehow has made me like him. His infatuation with the number 69 is so dumb. But it’s also funny. And oh yeah, he’s probably the best TE ever.

2. Travis Kelce, KC – Kelce tries so hard to be Gronk. And he’s almost there. Except the part where he’s awesome all the time. Kelce is Baby Gronk. Just don’t draft him too early.

3. Evan Engram, NYG – Feels pretty high, right? Well if Eli remembers who bailed him out all last year, it won’t be. Engram is basically a WR playing TE.

4. Zach Ertz, PHI – Come on baby make it Ertz so good! He’s a mismatch waiting to happen for an offense that’ll figure out creative ways to deploy him.

5. Jordan Reed, WAS – Reed is the most fragile player in the league. So much so that he thought it’d be a good idea to get a bone REMOVED from his body. Well, at least he can’t break that one. If he’s healthy, he’s the second best TE in the league. Huge if though.

6. Jimmy Graham, GB – If the original Jimmy G is actually healthy, this will be way too low of a rank. The last few years though, he’s looked like an 80 year old man trying to run in quicksand.

7. Greg Olsen, CAR – He’s Ol’ Greg! Consistent as long as he’s healthy. Olsen flirted with retirement this offseason and said no. Just like everything that’s ever flirted with me.

8. Trey Burton, CHI – Burton threw a TD in the Super Bowl and he’s a tight end. That’s awesome. The Bears will try to make him Travis Kelce in Matt Nagy’s offense.

9. Kyle Rudolph, MIN – Rudolph is big, slow but sure handed. The Vikings are expected to do big things. He’s a good tight end to draft if you decided to wait.

10. Delanie Walker, TEN – I wish he played for a team in Texas for obvious reasons. Walker is old but consistent.

11. Tyler Eifert, CIN – Eifert is always hurt. His back is one more bad hit from being broken like Batman’s was by Bane.

12. David Njoku, CLE – If the Browns don’t suck on offense, Njoku could be a big reason why. The big target out of Miami has been rising up drafts lately.

13. OJ Howard/Cameron Brate, TB – Flip a coin on these two because I don’t have a fucking clue how that weirdo Dirk Koetter is going to use them.

14. George Kittle, SF – Kittle’s Skittles hurt his shoulder in Week 1 of the preseason. Last year, Kittle had a good rapport with Jimmy G. Expect that to continue.

15. Jack Doyle/Eric Ebron, IND – Two totally different players. One fucked up situation.

16. Ricky Seals-Jones, ARI – I just like his name.

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